Keep the FUN in Sex when trying for a baby

Trying for a baby can be stressful and stress is not good for you or your sex life. Advice on getting pregnant ranges from making sure you have sex as often as possible when you are ovulating to advice on how to take the pressure off ovulation time by having sex every two to three days throughout your cycle. Exactly how that takes the pressure off for most busy couples is beyond me. If you’re already timing sex with your partner’s ovulation, then you are probably feeling stressed and a little pre-occupied and it’s likely that the very thing you need to be doing (having sex) is the one thing that’s starting to feel like a chore.

According to Dr Rosemary Basson for many women spontaneous sexual desire is much more common at the beginning of a sexual relationship. In essence, familiarity is not an aphrodisiac. So if you’ve been together for a while and long for the patter of tiny feet, then it’s possible that the thrill of frantic lust is already on the wane. Combined with the stress of conceiving it’s likely that sex feels like something you have to do, not something you want to do. But do not fear. You simply need to approach things differently. If you and your partner enjoy regular sex without any issues, enjoy and carry on! But here are some suggestions that might help those that are not so fortunate. First things first, we need to communicate with each other.

Time to Talk

Talking can be difficult, especially if we are feeling emotional or sad. Sometimes writing a letter to our loved one is easier than talking face to face. You can write down how you feel but make sure to use phases like ‘I feel’ and ‘I would like to….’ and be careful not to sound like you’re blaming your partner. Women often feel the need to talk about feelings more than men do,while men usually want to find solutions to problems and can feel helpless if they don’t know how to help.

‘F’ for fun not fertility

Kamasutra couch
Photo credit: dadevoti / Foter / CC BY

One way to enjoy sex, have fun, relax and maximise the chances of conception is to have a sex week that’s planned in advance around the time of ovulation. However, intercourse outside of this week is banned! You can tease, text and touch each other but vow not to give in under any circumstances because most of us want what we can’t have. Doing things this way you will be building up the heat and passion to reap the benefits during your planned week. This suggestion means that things don’t need to be timed to the minute and by planning in advance you can make sure that you have plenty of quality couple time to spend together. What time you have during this week will of course, depend on work schedules, children, living arrangements and finances. So Plan, Plan, Plan!

Date nights – Staying In or Going Out?

If money is in plentiful supply, make sure that you have regular days and nights out, alone or with friends. Meals out, the theatre, cinema, dance classes and spa days are good ways to relax and unwind. Long walks are great for talking things through as well as getting some fresh air and exercise. A pub at the end can add to the experience even if alcohol is off the menu.

For those who are a bit strapped for cash, feel like staying in or already have little ones at home then ‘Staying in Dates’ might be the answer.

  1. Stroking and massage can be great fun but you need to practice your techniques, take a book or DVD to bed and make the focus on learning new ways to touch each other and having fun.
  2. Picnic in the Garden – You can picnic anywhere and you don’t need a car for this one. For food ideas check out or During the winter months you will need to move inside so a picnic in front of the fire on in bed can provide romantic alternatives.
  3. Bathroom – Any bathroom can look inviting if it’s warm and smells good. Subdue the lighting with candles or a lamp outside on the floor. If you have a bath or shower that fits two make the most of it! If you haven’t all is not lost…it can be quite erotic to be naked in the bath while your partner is fully clothed.
  4. Hand Massage & Manicure – Intimate touching and getting your nails done all at the same time.
  5. Simmering – Get yourself turned on! Think sexual thoughts, close your eyes and hold onto that feeling!!!
  6. Games night – From monopoly, scrabble or jenga to something more suggestive, you both just need to decide whether the evening is about feeling sexy or about simply enjoying one another’s company. How many times has your partner asked you ‘What turns you on?’ and how many times have you said ‘I don’t know’? By using a card game with lots of intimate, sensual and sexual suggestions, you can take time to find out.
  7. TV free night – Have at least one night a week without the TV on and put away your mobile phone and laptop. Play music, dance like nobody’s watching, cook some popcorn and watch a film together, if you like cooking make a special meal and set the table.
  8. Afternoon Delight – Something that feels naughty can be a great turn on, so take a long lunch break or a day off work and go to bed for the afternoon.
  9. Kama Sutra – Do you know how many positions the Kama Sutra contains……..64! How many have you tried? Sometimes we can feel a bit self-conscious trying something new so if you want to give it a try, take a book of positions to bed and have a game to see which ones you and your partner are physically capable of. Think of it as ‘twister for adults’ but be careful not to fall off the bed laughing.
  10. Keep romance alive – It sounds simple but little thoughtful gestures go a long way in helping us feel connected with each other……..a smile, a touch or a kiss are small ways to show we care.

And finally, to quote Dr Leonore Tieffer:

Sex is not a natural act like breathing, it’s more like dancing, some are good at it and some are not, but most of us can learn how to make it better!

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